


Phoenix's Quest for Money

by Zharena



Category: Gyakuten Saiban | Ace Attorney
Genre: Humor, Poetry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-10
Updated: 2012-12-10
Packaged: 2017-11-20 19:11:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/588696
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zharena/pseuds/Zharena
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A humorous poem about Phoenix trying to find money to pay for his lunch in between court sessions.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Phoenix's Quest for Money

In ye olde courtroom

On a sunny California day

Phoenix heard his stomach rumbling

And so decided to eat what he may.

He took to his feet a running

To the nearest concession stand.

He ordered a giant hot dog

And a tiny soda – canned.

The sweaty worker piled on

Greasy toppings galore

And as they grew in height

Phoenix shouted, "More and more!"

But then, ah, just then,

He took a major blow,

When he went to fetch his money

And nothing in his wallet seemed to glow.

"Maya," he cried out.

"What on earth have you done?

You ate far too many burgers

And so all the money in my wallet is gone!"

But of course Maya was not present,

For she had gone home to rest,

So Phoenix's little agony speech,

Made him look crazy amongst the rest.

And so he trudged away,

Dragging his feet along the ground,

Wondering what he could do for money,

When, just then, he met an angry hound!

Ah, but this was no ordinary angry hound,

You could see,

For while bitter and prone to attack,

It was human, just maybe.

"Oh great," Phoenix commented aloud.

"My day cannot improve."

"I'd watch what you say," Franziska said.

"Or else you may want to move!"

"You foolish scum," she screamed at him.

"That is no way to greet a lady."

Her whip hit skin, and he cried out,

"I'm sorry," as if apologizing to a deity.

Nursing his wounds, he ran away,

Fending off crowds and possible attacks.

When, just then, he was stopped again

By a man in all his painted glory – Max.

His pink hair flowed, all the way down,

So far past his shoulders.

But to Phoenix in his quest for money,

Maximillion was a road block of boulders.

Recognition splashed across his face,

But Phoenix had no time,

And he could not ask his former client for money,

So he could only explain his situation through mime.

Frustrated, the attorney ran more,

Feet pounding against the asphalt,

When suddenly he happened upon Gumshoe,

Ordering a rather large chocolate malt!

"What is this," Phoenix yelled.

"I don't even understand!

When the only thing you usually have

In your wallet is a rubber band!"

"I hit the lottery," Gumshoe said.

"Won a small amount, five dollars.

Though now that's gone and disappeared

Before I heard your hollers."

"No," Phoenix cried!

"It never, ever ends.

Just how will I find the money,

To meet my own stomach's demands?"

And as he continued to complain

He almost seemed to miss

A looming figure appearing behind him,

Mia's old mentor, in complete and utter bliss.

"Why Phoenix, once again,

You seem to lack a fund

To adequately support yourself

And so you cannot become rotund!"

"I see your plight, but sadly

I cannot aspire,

To help you in your time of need,

Because my money is in the bank's empire!"

Exasperated, Phoenix continued his fast pace

Down the street once more,

Until finally he witnessed

What he had been searching for.

His rival, standing there,

Holding a strange card.

Though when Edgeworth glanced at Phoenix,

A disgusting expression on his face did mar.

"Wright, just what exactly

Have you been doing?

You're disgusting, sweaty, putrid,

And not quite very appealing!"

Phoenix collapsed to the ground,

Unable to take anymore,

When his rival said, "Poor again?

Here's this card to make you less sore."

"I'm not one for gambling,"

The man with the cravat said.

"So here, take this card a stranger

Dropped when he was mad."

"Thank you, thank you," Phoenix cried.

And so he began to scratch.

With a tiny dime he found on the floor

And soon he found a match.

"Fifty dollars! I am rich!

And now it's time to for me to say,

The hot dog man I stood up

I now am able to pay!"

And so he trekked all the way back

To the concession stand,

But there he had a surprise

For which he hadn't planned.

For the bell had struck and the session adjourned,

In ye olde courtroom,

And so Phoenix could not get

His food among the gloom.

**Author's Note:**

> Yet another repost from my ff.net account that I forgot to post when I first joined.
> 
> I...still have no idea what was going through my mind when I wrote this, but I hope it was amusing.


End file.
